So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They have beer where we have blood.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
