so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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