Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
