i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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