I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it glows. i had to have it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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