PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
