Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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