I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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