I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
