yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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