Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
