a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
