I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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