Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
