WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize