Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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