Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
