My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
