NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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