one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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