i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
