It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
