Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
