I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
