Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
