I looked at my own cervix.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
