You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
