Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
