I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
