Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
