Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
