I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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