grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So much rum. So many feels.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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