those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
