Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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