Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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