Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
