barbara walters just said penis...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
