i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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