Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
