Jerry, you need to find god
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
