I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
