That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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