Farmville is her only friend.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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