Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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