Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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