my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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