The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
