I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
