Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
