dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
