i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
