Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
