And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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