Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
