I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
