I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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