ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
