woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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