How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
