3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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