We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
