How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
