Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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