is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
