I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize