...so i touched it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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