All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize