alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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