Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
