Betty ford says i'm here all night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
