Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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