The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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