while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
