No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
